I lovingly remember those childhood days playing Red Light, Green Light and Simon Says. Back then it was just another way to pass time at the bus stop, or, for me, another opportunity to display just how slow and uncoordinated I was. Only when I became an adult did I realize these games actually teach kids valuable skills: listening and following directions. As a middle school teacher, I can attest to how desperately our children need these skills. As an adult, however, I can get a little frustrated when I feel other adults are yelling "Simon says!" just to test my resolve, and possibly my intelligence. I am no longer a child. I no longer need someone to explicitly tell me things that to anyone with average intelligence would be considered commonsense. Apparently, though, there are enough adults out there who do. At least, I'm giving the publishing world the benefit of the doubt, that their sometimes condescending submission guidelines and ever-changing formatting requirements, are truly from years of bad experiences and not just an evil scheme to frustrate hopeful authors everywhere.
Yesterday I prepared and sent out a new round of queries, hoping to find a publisher to accept my book. By the end of the day I was bleary-eyed and a bit annoyed. It wasn't just that I had a killer headache and had spent too many hours trying to find anyone on any writers' websites who liked any publisher. (There are some really bitter writers in the world attempting to give postal workers a run for their money.) The publishing websites themselves are often maddening. I teach writing to seventh graders. Even at thirteen my students are expected to follow a particular formatting guideline. I get that. Having everything in the right place, in the right font, hopefully not riddled with grammatical errors makes me happy, and it makes reading others' writing easier. But I don't develop my own guidelines arbitrarily, and I don't make nasty sarcastic remarks about the fact many of the essays I correct hardly resemble anything close to the English language as it should be written. Ok, I have on occasion, but I'm dealing with kids, most of whom would rather live at home indefinitely than ever enter a profession that involved writing, not adults who have completed entire novels. Yet, reading these some of these sites, a writer might think these publishing companies and agents are addressing a classroom full of ADHD teens.
Maybe I'm in the minority, but before I submitted anywhere, I spent time researching standard manuscript format, which is different from synopsis format, which is different from a teaser in a query, which is not the same as a cover letter. Yes, it is as confusing as it sounds, at first. Yes, it sucks time like a thousand thirsty leeches. But, if it gets a writer published, it's all worth it. Right? Well, I can't yet answer that one, but I can tell you that all the time I spent learning the proper formats according to a few major websites and books, which I was told were authorities on such things, was often a waste of time. It seems every publishing company and small press (and many literary agents, as well) each has its own preferences. Unlike academic writing, ninety percent of which uses one of two standard formats, MLA or APA, the publishing world has no set standards. Some like Times New Roman, others pooh, pooh it and prefer Courier. Some like chapter titles centered, others don't or don't care. Some specify how many single spaces down from the top of the page they should be, but no one wants single-spaced manuscripts, so that guideline doesn't even make sense. Wait, one e-publisher actually did want it single-spaced. They must buy stock in Tylenol and Visine. And don't even get me started on word count. Who knew you needed a math degree to be an author? In this day and age, can't we trust the computer to be fairly accurate? If any agent or publisher saw my math grades, they'd let Word handle any computations-I make it a habit not to question people as successful as Bill Gates.
These seem like minute details, hardly worth griping over. And they are, which is precisely the point. The publishing world is probably too large and too diverse to ever agree on a set format. Perhaps, instead, they should let go of the little things and trust that writers who are serious about their craft will have done their homework and followed a format that is both readable and professional. If a writer needs to be told not to send a draft with coffee stains, not to include bribes disguised as odd gifts, or not to write an email query with the same level of informality one would use to text a friend, his work isn't likely to get read no matter what size margins it has.
Like most writers, I hope, I can handle some adversity, and I play well with others, following the rules as asked. To the many great companies out there whose instructions are clear, polite, and professional, you have my most sincere gratitude. To those who like to have a little more fun with their prospective authors, all we're asking in return is that if we have to jump through a few hoops, please keep them still. And just because a few of our predecessors may have gone hog wild and broken a few, please don't light them afire for the rest of us!
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